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Thought For the Day
Curse Dean Ashton's ankles...
Moonlighting ... More Of My Articles Here
...and not all of them for the Gay Cartoon page! Thanks for your support.
All-Star ITV Scrape Christmas Barrel
Celebrity impressions show leaves
vast audience begging for mercy (or at
the very least Robson Green...)
New Guy Ritchie Movie Rewritten to Include More Pop Star Death Scenes
Guy Ritchie has delayed post-production on his latest movie and ordered a series of last-minute rewrites to the as-yet-untitled period drama.
The Money Programme Cricket Team Website
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Follow the fortunes of the best Sunday cricket team in the country to be named after a BBC2 finance-based current affairs show (though those bastards over at Working Lunch are running us close - that Adrian Chiles knows how to wield the willow, I can tell you...)
Scores, match reports and player profiles mingle delectably with more geeky stats than you can shake a stick at.
Obviously, were I a successful professional writer, a world-renowned wit, or even a marginally recognisable literary figure with a regular slot on the Late Review talking about Richard Curtis films with Germaine Greer, then this would be where I introduce myself, wheel out a smug catalogue of my past achievements and post a glossy black and white headshot of me staring wistfully into the
middle distance. As it is, I am heartbreakingly unknown, unpublished and, crucially, unphotogenic, so I have, instead, commissioned my three-year-old half-brother Joel to do my portrait.
From the Other Stuff Section:
About Me
With the brutal inevitability of Richard Dawkins nasally browbeating a kindly rural vicar, I find myself careering towards my 33rd birthday.
From the Sport Section:
I think you will agree he has done a bang up job – there is enough mystery about the picture to shroud me in a comfortable ambiguity - even to protect my identity completely – and yet, somehow, he has managed to capture me perfectly: The neurosis, the anguish of a bitter, indecisive soul, the streaky turquoise shins... In many ways, it's like looking in the mirror.
The stark reality of a romantic liaison with Serena Williams would no doubt hit home the moment you suffered a pulverised rib-cage after dressing as a US Open line judge in a misguided attempt at role-play.
The Author (not actual size)
Disclaimer:
The views expressed on this site represent the opinions of the author only and are in no way rooted in fact or even hearsay. No offence is intended and any nastiness directed towards celebrities (or indeed Sue Barker) is purely in jest.
AS
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(apart, of course, from the odd photo "borrowed" off the web...)
Lucky Dip Picture Board
