The Money Programme Cricket Club

Next match

Mishits

Toddington

27th July 2008 - 2pm

2007 stats completed and all-time averages updated

The 'Money Programme Cricket Club' is just a little bit misleading.

But although our connections with the revered BBC2 Television programme of the same name are tenuous, they are real.

The story goes back to June or July 1982 (the early records are hazy). At that time, The Money Programme was going through a golden period. One of its two presenters was Valerie Singleton, recently arrived from Blue Peter, who was seriously famous. As a junior reporter on the show, I made a film with a firm called Lancer Boss, makers of fork-lift trucks, and the firm's boss happened to mention that he'd recently acquired a stately home in Bedfordshire - with a cricket pitch attached.

One thing led to another.

A few weeks later, we had assembled a team of (mostly ex) cricketers to challenge a Lancer Boss XI.

It was a catastrophe.

Expecting to see a team of TV stars, the Lancer Boss boss had persuaded dozens of his workers to turn up. Unfortunately, Val Singleton was busy that day. And so was everyone else they might have recognised. Within half an hour, the crowd had dispersed, and to make matters worse, as far as I can remember, we lost the match.

Money Programme vs. Aldenham – 20th July

Match Drawn

I’m still slightly at a loss to explain how this match - which appeared to have all the components of a classic - managed to peter out into such a tepid draw.

It was all there: The phoenix-like Money Programme batting line-up; an incredible and at times brutal century from the Skip (batting at number nine of all places); a seven-wicket haul from a chippy teenager with braces; the dour rear-guard and comedy dismissal of a humourless batsman bedecked in St. George’s Crosses; some even more comedy catching; even a man dressed as a pirate. And yet…

Usually at Aldenham it’s all about winning the toss – which Darren duly did – but, controversially, he chose to bat. A sound logic given a previous capitulation chasing on this ground, but one that looked decidedly shaky after their spotty youth crashed through our top order with some fine swing bowling.

We were reduced to 61-7 with the duck hat passing forlornly from Tim to Graham and brief resistance from Gordo (who smashed a six over extra cover before perishing next ball) and Sailish proving flashes in the pan.

Darren came in at nine muttering something about “always getting a bat no matter where I put myself” and the rebuilding started slowly with Tom. They saw off the opener who had been on a hat-trick twice and was cockily harbouring ambitions of taking all ten wickets. The fifty partnership came up during an hour of gritty tide-turning before Tom lost sight of a straight full toss and Peter became the third recipient of the duck hat.

By this stage we had recovered to 118-9 and were reasonably satisfied – but Skip wasn’t finished. Chris Balch wasn’t about to chuck it all away either, and played a superb anchor role as Darren bludgeoned the hapless Aldenham attack to all parts. Six sixes swept him to 99 in the blink of an eye, and the partnership was worth over 70. Enter the opening bowlers and Chris had an entire over to negotiate with Skip at the non-striker’s end. He did this with consummate ease, but Darren had no idea what he was on and nearly came a cropper before the vital run came.

There was still time for him to run Chris out which rather reduced the intensity of his partner’s applause on the walk back to the pavilion, but his heroics had lifted us to 199 all out which was more than competitive.

Too competitive, actually.

Tim took his elder brother’s approach to getting out cheaply by bowling superbly. He got a wicket in his first over (Tom’s 100th wicket-keeper catch) and beat the bat time and again as we struggled to dislodge the stubborn bandana’d pirate, despite encouragement from the close fielders to “shiver his timbers” or “knock the parrot off his shoulder”.

We got him eventually though, and midway through the innings Aldenham had slumped to 40-5 with Darren taken two steepling catches off successive balls from Goochie. Unfortunately, this led to a predictable “backs against the wall” job by the guy who looked like he might have been BNP (due to the English flags) and his mate who took a spectacular 38 balls to get off the mark.

Chris Balch eventually snared the former thanks to a hilarious mis-timed pull which popped apologetically up to the wicket-keeper (couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, we thought as he trudged away), and we had a sniff with four wickets needed off the last six overs. But two dropped dollies from Sailish and Dan put paid to any thoughts of victory. “What did I do wrong?” Sailish asked Darren sheepishly from under the Flounder hat – no doubt expecting some helpful coaching advice for next time. “You fuckin’ dropped it,” the Skip responded dryly.

A shame then, that such a sterling effort was rewarded only with a winning draw, but proof if any were needed that timed games are not exactly our forte…

Dave: Anger-ometer only ever reached “Mildly Irked”

Simon: 10K run in the morning – opened the batting just after lunch. All in a day’s work

Sailesh: Mild-mannered off the pitch – a veritable pest at silly mid-off

Gordon: Cut down in his prime

Tim: Golden with the bat; Golden with the ball

Graham: Get forward!

Dan: Missed catch unleashed potty mouth

Tom (W): Stopped the rot

Darren (C): On fire

Peter: Duck hat holder

Chris: Perfect foil

We had, however, got the bug. One of our founding fathers, Victor Marmion, toured the Home Counties searching for village locations that appealed to him, and persuading club secretaries to accept this unknown touring side with dubious (or to put it another way, non-existent) credentials. Within a few years we had built up a full fixture list, and in due course, we started to win some matches.

Strength to strength would be one way of describing our progress. Another would be peaks and troughs. But good things started to happen. We found enough younger players to tide us over until our children were old enough to bowl fast, hit the ball hard and - above all - run very quickly to those faraway parts of the ground that we found difficult to reach. Another great moment came when Bernard Clark, who played in that original Lancer Boss match, sculpted our very own pitch from an unpromising field in a glorious location near Henley.

We were no longer purely a touring side, which made everything a lot easier (except finding someone to provide the teas), and in 2000 we had one of our best years ever. This website, and the information provided by Peter Marshall, another founding father (and I mean that in every possible sense), is obviously an expression of the fun we've had - and the fun we hope to have in future. Our ex-skipper, Chris Marshall is a towering presence. Well, he's very tall, now! And we're constantly on the look out for ways of making sure that the MPCC story goes beyond the 20th anniversary celebrations.

Nick Clarke - ex-officio.....