(The Original)

Amateur Scribe


Sport Stories


"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."

Dean Martin

A Commentator’s Lament

The Andy Gray fiasco - Unique access to Martin Tyler's private grief...

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Aussies go AWOL

They’ve cheated us of our moment. When it suited them, they chose ambivalence over their fabled sporting passion. I am a fervent Aussie-phile – but a little bit of that long-nurtured warmth departed me yesterday

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Coalition of the Brave

Has anyone else noticed the eerie symmetry between David Cameron’s coalition cabinet and the soon to be announced England World Cup football squad?

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Serena Oversteps the Line

The stark reality of a romantic liaison with Serena Williams would no doubt hit home the moment you suffered a pulverised rib-cage after dressing as a US Open line judge in a misguided attempt at role-play.

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The Winker and the WAG

The romantic fiction / locker-room crossover gathers pace with the latest offering from Mills and Boon.

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“MC Jazzy Jeff” – Sky Sports’ Stelling moves into the Weddings Game

For just £5000 plus expenses and Paul Merson’s bar bill, you can now hire the erudite and witty Jeff Stelling to emcee your nuptials.

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Hammer Horror - Crunch Time for the Gang of Four

Tevez transfer saga comes to a head in Sheffield boozer.

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He's Back! Athers’ Diary 07

Still bitter, still twisted – Michael Atherton is a commentator in crisis.

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Nervous Lineker Not Yet Master of Ceremonies

It quickly became evident he was in some discomfort despite the customary open-necked shirt, pressed camel chinos and boyish grin - Gary struggles on his golfing debut.

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Team England: Privates on Parade

Military precision: The England cricket team warm up for India with a spot of paintballing in the West Midlands.

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Sven's Successor

So, to paraphrase the tabloids, the slippery, money-grubbing sex-pest is off. But the World Cup's still ruined for me because if we lose (which we will) there will be the usual hand-wringing and blame-levelling that I find so depressing, and if we win I'll be subjected that Swedish imbecile grinning vacantly down at me from atop a London bus. I'm not sure what's worse. Still, I wonder who's next?

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"Obsessed" Wenger the Hero in Petulant Spat

Wenger, the lonely dick always a step behind his quarry certainly sits more comfortably than the idea of the French master tactician as a “voyeur”. Mourinho’s most damning accusation conjures up ghastly images of our hero in a dirty mac thumbing furtively through illegally procured photographs of Frank Lampard

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Diary of a Former England Captain

As Channel 4 signs off after seven successful years of cricket coverage with an England Ashes win, we take an exclusive peek at Michael Atherton's private journal.

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A Bridge too Far

Gambling, corruption and alice bands. An unique insight into how England's footballers have raised the stakes.

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